wat is going on... i really duno... it all is very sudden

where to start...
lets start from the part where my gf, kwan lian, dump me on 15 may for a very inlogic reason...
when i first receive the sms from her in skool... i was shock...
i thought she was jux playing coz the nite b4 we were having sa fa cheong...
but... it is true... dam true...
this is wat she wrote :
i got something to tell u, hope u dun mind... actually 1 month ago i found that i not tat love u as before... i doesnt care n love u much... i duno the reason n oso duno how to tell u.. i decide to tell u now althought mayb will get hurt coz i think that u should be noe about this... n i decided to break up, it meaningless if physically i still couple with u but my heart doesnt love u... i think single life is better for me now... before the promise is coz that time i feel confident that i will love u forever, but now i realise that is actually not... wad has pass jux let it be a memory... sorry for anything i did wrong in this period n thanks for all from my sincere heart... wish u stay well...

when i knew it is true... i jux feel down... no mood n looking for answer... wat jux happen between me n her... we were fine n loving ytd, last week n last month n last year... i beg her not to do this to me... i will try to change if she dun like... i beg her not to break up with me coz i very love her to the max...

at skool... mee kuan was the first to noe... the 2nd was jaren... jaren try to cheer me up when i was alone in the class jux sitting n trying to noe was is going on....

she told me the first reason of breaking up is she hav no feel... i ask her y so sudden no feel... she ans me she hav no feel toward me since we hug at ts which happen at 1 month ago... that time was the day me n her celebrate my birthday... she is very happy on that day... after we hug, i can feel that she is very very happy... on that day, we sms n chat, all the thing we chat, none were giving me hint bout she hav no feel... on evening on the day we break, she told me actually that time at ts still hav feel... i very blur... i really duno wat is she talking... suddenly no den got...

it was her who add me in frendster... is was her to accpet me when i first ask her to be my gf... n it was also her who say break up.. wat is also her... how bout me... she was dare enough to couple with an outsider like me... we be couple throught net n didnt see face to face at first...

on may 15... i try to find ans... wat i got is all useless ans... she call me to go back b4 the time b4 we be couple n be frens... HOW CAN I DO THAT... we been together from july 2 2007 till may 14 2008... we hav really gone through a lot n chat everything... she noe me well n i noe her well den her family or frens... how could she break with me...

in that hour of i begging her so i can change her mind, it was tought moment... all she say was all jux sorry sorry sorry... i ask her question, she jux say duno duno duno... DAMMIT... for almost 11 month we been through... dun u think is wasted? all the thing we hav promise n share... dun u think is wasted? i love u so much... n wat i got in the end.. being dump from the one who proimse wont say break up coz wan be with me forever...

i try to call her... she dun wan ans coz duno wat to say... this is very funny... she dare to send break up msg to me but not dare to ans my call... y? anyone noe? if the only one who is is kwan lian... she jux dun dare to face me... she even call me to look infront n not u turn... how can i do it when she dun even dare to face me? there she call me to cheer up n be fren...

in the end... wat i say are useless... i cant tam her back... n she took it very easy... not even as sad n suffer as me... she jux say thanks for this period of coupling... she even say if u wan me happy... let me go... HOW BOUT ME... DO I LOOK HAPPY TO U KWAN LIAN?!!? this is not the gal i noe... how can she be that cruel n selfish... wat is happen to u? if u r stressing from exam.. u can jux tell me... i will noe wat to do... but y u hav to break.. y... i really duno...

from the moment she break with me... i jux cry n sad... i read the msg again n again... i read the past msg she send to me... it was all fine n happy moment.. i really cant believe it n accept it... i feel like dying... all i wish is jux a gf who ngam me... i had it... now it was all lost... now me n her is jux best fren...

i very miss her... i miss her saying of "i sleep lor dar..." i miss her saying of "muacks" i jux miss everything bout her... i ask her r u sad? she reply me still ok... she really hav hurt me this time...

i hav done many for her... for example... i wait her sleep i onli sleep... she revise for exam i waited for her... i less on msn or frendster or maple ( online game ) coz of her... during the month we been together, a few gals ask me can they be my gf? wat i ans? i ans NO coz of who? IS U KWAN LIAN.. COZ OF U... wat if that time i dump u n rather choose them? how will u feel? u will hate me for life coz after wat we promise... n if i ans u no feel den how? how will u react? reader of my blog try think if this happen to u... how will u feel? Kwan lian please think.. if is me who say no feel n wan break... u will noe wat is suffer in hell... if i do this, u will got hurt very much... the reason i didnt say yes to those gal is y? coz i feel i very love u n i got the responsible as a bf.. i cant be cruel n selfish... in maple, i feel like finding a maple gf and marry.. but i didnt do that.. coz of wat? I M WAITING FOR U TO PLAY N MARRY ME IN THE GAME FOR GOD SAKE... i even less on frendster n noe other gals so u wont jealous n think other... i jux wan focus in u n chatting with u... i hav even make u gan dong till cry for a few time jux through sms... wat i got in the end for treating u that nice... i got dump by u... can u think of the moment we share n gone through? feel dun jux go away... all prob can be chat... y u r not giving me 1 more chance... all ppl deserve 1 more chance... U no that when my fren n mei noe bout this, all of them very hate u n shock? they dun think u r tis type of cold hearted person... sum curse u n sum feel like beating u.. u noe wat i say to them? i say she is stressing from exam... spm is coming... i will try to pujuk her.. for wat u hav done... i still helping u... my frens n mui call me forget bout u... i say no.. i really cant do it... how stupid m i...

kwan lian is very special girl to me... i dun even dare to angry at her... for example she always fall asleep when chatting... i didnt angry at her... i jux wait her at morning n tell her is ok... no nid worry i angry u... got once when she fall alseep, i thought wan to break with her or not... but no.. i didnt break with her.. even thought is her fault.. but i hav kept my promise not to break... coz i love her too much... wat she wrote to me in sms for the past month when she say she hav no feel to me... all of it i can feel she is very loving n caring.. no sign of no feel... there r tone of thing we chat for the past month... none of it were giving me a dam clue of breaking up n no feel... all very sudden...

i hav treat u the best i could ever give n u dump me... this is very selfish.. i noe the kwan lian is not like this... u r my first love... i try my best to make u happy n cheer u up everytime u r down... i waited for u n forgive each time u fall asleep... i care u so much.. wat i told u to do n not is all for ur own gud n health... i got scold by parent for always going out.. y? y i do this? IS ALL BECAUSE OF U KWAN LIAN!! we even promise to take out the lolipop u buy for me as memory if we do marry in the future... now wat happen... dream shatter... i plan to take driving license even i hav a fight with parent... i wan u to be the first who sit in my car so i can fetch u to the place u like... wat i wish n dream... all jux shatter into the pieces of dust...

i very love u kwan lian.. i really do... i jux cant forget n cont living without u... if can... i jux wan go back to the past n freeze the time... so i can enjoy every moment with u n never go away... i m a sentimental boy.. i hav feeling... y u do this to me... u hav promise to me... rule r mean to be broken , not promise.... where to find a gal such like u... in the galaxy or the universal... onli got 1 Kwan Lian to me... if i were given 3 wishes... i would wish u live longer den me... 2nd, i wish u r alwasy happy when together with me... n 3rd, i wish the time will never move on... we hav our first hug, kisses n hold hand together... me n her couple is also the first time.. now she jux wan single life... y...i cant find the ans to the question i m wondering... u impact my life too much... i been a fool all this long... jux dreaming n staring to the sky... wat i hav did n been through... all i got is got break from the one who love me...

i really hav try my best... i really did... i can be gal's dream bf... i be for u kwan lian... who dun wan to be treated nice.. i hav treated u the best... i follow watever u say... all jux happen too fast...

i hav wrote this blog for an hour... my eye were red n i been crying since she say break up with me... i kip remember the time we been together... i really wan u to giv me a second chance... please kwan lian... please... feel really dun jux go away... i wan to be with u again...spm is important.. so r u kwan lian... stress can make a person do many regretful things... for all the reader who r reading... can u leave a person who u love very much n u hav done many thing to n becoz of u?

i will end it here... i very suffer now... i jux wan to say n prove to u kwan lian... I LOVE U FROM DEEP DEEP DEEP OF MY LITTLE HEART!!